Things That Read Like Onion Articles, But Aren't Dept.

"'My Beautiful Mommy' is aimed at kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: 'You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.' Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist.

The text doesn't mention the breast augmentation, but the illustrations intentionally show Mom's breasts to be fuller and higher. 'I tried to skirt that issue in the text itself,' says Salzhauer. 'The tummy lends itself to an easy explanation to the children: extra skin and can't fit into your clothes. The breasts might be a stretch for a six-year-old.'

The book doesn't explain exactly why the mother is redoing her nose post-pregnancy. Nonetheless, Mom reassures her little girl that the new nose won't just look 'different, my dear—prettier!'"

To read the rest of Karen Springen's Newsweek article, click here

*************************************************************************************

While I kinda-sorta understand the intention of explaining your hospital visit rather than simply disappearing for a while, there's something about introducing a child to more body image issues (and surgical options) to the four-to-seven set that just seems... wrong.

I think they should change the name of the book to, "Mommy Needs This, Jane". Here's some suggestions for additional page captions:

* Daddy talks with the new secretary a lot.
* Daddy's team leader was pretty, too, but her shirt needed more buttons.
* Daddy's DVDs were weird. Jane had never seen girls like these before.
* Mommy was very quiet. She looked in the mirror all day.
* Doctor Tucker gave Mommy some papers. She signed them really fast.
* He explained to Jane that to make Mommy pretty again, that he had to make her a little sick.
* Mommy's face was different. But it wasn't good-different this time.

Here's a preview of the sequel, "Dick Is Small":

* Daddy looked nervous. Wouldn't Dick rather play with the bigger truck if he could pick?, he said. Well, girls feel that way, too.